Shoes: TUK (similar)
Velvet Pants: Oh My Love via Topshop (similar)
Vegan Leather Jacket, Choker, Backpack: Killstar
Well, hello and welcome to this side of the internet that I call, my blog. Technically I meant to post this post last night, as it was #WorldGothDay but instead of writing I felt more like editing so that’s what I’ve done with my day. I try not to force writing or producing blog posts like I’ve done couple of years ago, they never felt real, or right. I wasn’t really proud of them, therefore I rarely promoted them. Although I still rarely promote my blog posts, compering to my other blogging pals anyway. And it’s not that I am not proud of the content I’m producing, I am. The first few days that I post it that is. After that it goes over my head and I’m off to another thing. Trying to make it better, make it more creative, create more. Without forcing anything of course. Especially since ironically since starting my YouTube channel I’ve noticed that I enjoy editing videos, filming and even editing photo’s much more than writing, which is funny considering the fact that once upon a time I was a “writer”. And as much as I enjoy and love diving into the creative process of editing and creating something visually and then later sharing it with you guys, I also miss the “writer” part of me. I made this mistake last night, where I dug up bunch of my old articles and writing and got totally lost in it, wondering where the hell that part of me went. I use to write all the time, and at time it seemed so effortless and natural, it almost like I could do it with my eyes closet. Yet now, creating a blog post a week seems to be an issue. Lol yet here I am giving you yet another set of photos and words few days apart from my last one, so I don’t even seem to know if I can write or not.
The same friend told me that even thought I may not write as much as I use to, and write for a publication and for all of it to “make sense” in my own definition of the term, I still write, whenever it’s an Instagram caption, a tweet, even texting with a friend counts as writing. It’s not the matter of if you write or not, it’s how you write, is it for an audience or for yourself. For me it’s a bit of both. I use to be such a closeted writer, always dropping notes, having pages and pages worth of stories, thoughts, I even had few diaries when I was younger. That was also writing. It makes a perfect sense now that I have a fashion blog and have this need of producing content, I always did. It was just much more private. Now it some strange way my writing needs to “make sense” because it’s going towards an audience. As much as I always preach that I write for myself, it’s only partly true, I also write for an audience. Once you get some sort of reading you only want to improve that. It’s addictive. And there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as you don’t get lost in it, that is. Back when I use to write for a publication it was great, I left like my word was validated, I wasn’t just a blogger. There’s nothing wrong with doing just that but having lot’s of slashes to my name, to now being “just” a blogger it seems like steps in the wrong directions. I really want to go back into writing, and styling and talking about issues that I feel passionate about. I know I could do it on this blog, but it’s too close to me. Too personal. It would have to be on the different outlet. I also feel like my perfectionistic side got best of me. It’s hard producing great content if you’re feeling like you’re best work has already been done, which is totally untrue.
Even style wise. I use to think that my style was at it’s peak, but now I know that wasn’t the case. It’s not really the fact that I felt like my style was the greatest or so, it’s more about comfort. And I’m not talking about the comfort of heels etc. I mean being comfortable in your own style and the clothes you wear. I always left like, when wearing your clothes and presenting your style to the world, you need to wear it with confidence and pride, even if you may not feel that way at all. Fashion is a great way to fake that. I had this outfit planned for ages, since I got this pair of velvet flares, and at one point flares was all I wore, now I have mixed feelings about it. Definitely back then I tried to conform and even though I wore them the way I’ve wanted, I’m pretty sure now I wouldn’t be able to wear them without cringing at least a bit. However a black velvet pair is so up my street, they are warm, comfortable and very easy to style, although this pair is bit faulty on the waste as the upper fabric tends to fold when walking, but that’s the manufacturing fault. It can be fixed. Once I’ll get my motivation back. Velvet being a fabric highly associated with the Gothic subculture, of course I need to pair it with a pair of platforms and (vegan) leather jacket and also this amazing coffin backpack that I’ve bought from my friend Rachel few months ago, not a very practical item, not much can fit in there but oh gosh is it stylish!
Let me know if you get this weird writing blog (pun intended) as well!
Hope you’ll have a wonderful day!
Let’s be friends ^_^