It’s almost this time of year again. London Fashion Week, or fashion week season in general as I like to call it, as it always feels like the moment NYFW starts all of the cities and shows merge together into one big blob of fabric and sparkle all over Instagram and Twitter. The beauty of living in the digital age and seeing the shows from your bedroom, right? I won’t get into talking about NYFW or PFW because I never attended these but I’m pretty sure the stress and excitement are the same. Actually, if anyone I know or reading this right has attended all of the 4 cities to see the collections and trends in person, respect, because I feel personally could barely survive London without getting sick after few seasons. And today I’ve waned to merge two articles I had in mind for a while but never cared too much to finish them nor post them, and that’s what’s happening today.
As you may gather at this point, I will not be attending LFW this season, for few reasons, I’ve moved to Manchester and I know people travel from different countries to see the shows and show their support so the fact that I am in a different city shouldn’t be an excuse. However, I just came from attending London Edge which honestly has been the best time I had in months! (I also need to look after my puppy as during the dates of LFW no one besides me will be home and I can’t leave her on her own for few days) It made me feel like a part of community, and not an outsider, and that’s a feeling that I sometimes got from the LFW crowd, not all of them just some. And as much as I love fashion and the creativity and support and it’s endless strive of self expression and the fact that people aren’t afraid to be different and they follow their dreams no matter what! I fully support that, I really do! However with all that being said, some of the LFW crowd did make me feel rather shitty about my situation and where I stand in fashion, I don’t have the 6 figure following on any of my social media channels and half of the time I feel like my voice isn’t heard or it doesn’t matter, therefore why do I even bother? It’s an endless, vicious cycle that I’ve been stuck in for a while and with shaking up my blog content and going back into the core of my style I’m trying to get out of it. Trust me, the fact that I am not as pumped for LFW like I was in previous years. I remember being 17 and dreaming of attending these shows, having images of me taken by street style photographers, getting the chance of meeting my favourite fashion people in person. And all of these things happen, however the moment they happened, it just wasn’t goo enough, I got into spiral of compering myself to all of those people at the shows, wanting and trying to be like them when that just wasn’t me.
I’ve wanted to badly to work, and get paid on regular basis. Not working 9 to 5 job in order to afford rent, or the next fashionable thing. In my mind, attending LFW was one of the ways to get into the industry and create the change for myself. And that didn’t happen, in the process I lost a sense of self and my identity as a person and where and how I belong in the industry. I felt that I was supporting an industry that didn’t support me. And having so many slashes to my name being a blogger/writer/stylist all of those things overwhelmed me. I felt like I had 3 different personalties, that my value were those titles. Where in fact I didn’t write anything for other then this blog for months, nor did I do a shoot. I am surprised that the editor even speaks to me. (I know he does because he’s a wonderful person!) As we speak I am trying to rebuild what was shattered. I’m trying to get back what fashion stole from me. Myself.
Will I ever come back to LFW? Definitely, 100% yes! Like I said I fully support the talent and the establishment of LFW even if I personally believe there are still some flaws in it. I’m not against the the event whatsoever, but I do wish there was more diversity to it, with models, styles of designs, backgrounds of designers etc. We are coming in the right direction, for sure! But there’s still lot’s of work to be done regarding it. And the only way is forward. I know despite all of that I still am surrounded by people that support me no matter what direction I decide to go. And I’ll forever be grateful for that. I’ve been in the industry for almost 6 years, blogged for over 4 years, been contributing to a publication for 3 years. And all of that is pretty big goddamn achievement! And as much as I poured my heart and soul into the industry, maybe that’s why I have little to nothing left, I think it’s time I concentrate on me. Finding something that makes me feel like I have purpose again. It will be a new journey, it will be different, scary was hell, but I’m ready.
Image comes from last season of LFW at Little Shilpa Fashion Show.