ugh. I hate starting this blog post like this but I’ll roll with it I guess. The truth is, the term “ugh” or a feeling or whatever it means to you, is quite significant to my life. It feels like whatever I do, there are obstacles that I can’t seem to get over with. It seems like if I take one step forward, the next minute I take two steps back, the more I want to improve the more I seem to fail. One minute I can be incredibly proud of something and the next it doesn’t matter any more because I set a bar higher for myself and in most cases that bar is too high to reach, but I’m keep working and pressuring myself to reach it, then later on I’m realising that reaching that bar is rather impossible so I just give up entirely. And when that happens the blood in my vain’s just boils. Being a lazy perfectionist sucks hard!
It’s not like we want to give up, but when the whole world seems to be against you what else can you do? Something has happened few years ago which I won’t get into but it was something that just meant the entire world to me. I cared more about it then anything, and then it backfired and left me down on the ground. Ever since I can’t seem to get back up, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many promises I tell myself, I’m still down. Maybe I’ve just burned out. But how do I light my fire back again? Do I start from the bottom, which is what I’m doing initially right now being in position in life, starting off my blog again etc. But at the same time, in some point I was so close to where I wanted to be, everything wise, but at the time it just wasn’t good enough, where looking at it now, it wasn’t half bad. It’s all perspective I guess. In a way it gives me the freedom to really start over, shake up my content, try something new and different and get out of my comfort zone for a bit. And I but admit I really needed that.
Throughout the course of running this blog and partly working in fashion I lost myself and desperately tried to be someone I was not. Mostly, style wise but also in terms of my outlook and opinions. Now this outlook has definitely changed, for the better, I’m more honest, unapologetic and finally I’ve stopped for looking for other’s approval. If someone likes what I say or create thank you (ily <3) but they don’t ah well the loss is their’s and I’m not for everyone so that’s that. And could you believe most of this rambling comes from the pure reason that I’ve lost images that I really wanted to share with you today?!?!?! I know right, wtf?! It’s ok, I’ll re-shoot them, even if they have to be done in Manchester rather then London. Therefore today you’re getting an outfit that was shoot in September at literally 7am because that’s how much I was desperate for content, clearly, posting it 6 month’s later, nice one Kinga! It’s a nice throwback I guess. And all black everything, c’mon who would say no to that! Just like on my last outfit post it’s all back with a pop of colour in a form of make up. Can you tell that I’m a sucker for bloody red lips? (no, not funny, ok I’ll go home) but just like black clothing, MCR look over my life lately, and yes I’m still mad about that break up! My friend referenced to this outfit as a “grown up goth” well gothic clothing is all back, but is this really goth? I don’t know, you tell me. I would say it’s a lazy goth, because simple t-shirt, jeans, heeled boots and a jacket that now I can’t imagine my life without, is hardly your old school type of Goth. But hey, I’m also wearing choker so maybe… What do you think? Please tell me in the comments! I’ve also wanted to thank you for all the kind words from my last blog post! It really meant a lot to me and seeing all the support from all of you lovely people really means a lot and I couldn’t ask for anything else! <3
If you are lazy perfectionist or a perfectionist in general please leave me comments below how do you deal with it. I need all the help I can get! xxx
Bag – Fjallraven *
Watch – Coach*
Rings – New Look
Jeans – Primark
Choker – ebay.co.uk
Shoes – George at Asda
Bracelet – Wall London*
Top – Calvin Klein Men’s (Thrifted)
Jacket & Necklace & Lips – New Look*
Let’s be friends ^_^