Hi darlings, how is it going? Currently, I’ve situated myself at my parents house, away from London, away from all the noise, away from all the chaos. Don’t get me wrong, I love London, and I do love how busy it is, how there’s always stuff to do, from cultural experiences such as museums, galleries and theaters to the night life, all the shops where you can find whatever you wish and theres always an opportunity to meant new people, explore and learn. And I love that, I really do, there isn’t a time to be truly bored. There’s this quote I liked said by Samuel L Jackson I think “If you are bored of London you are bored of life.” I could always resonate with that quote, it spoke so much to me because being in London, central London especially, has always gave me so much energy and motivation. And when my parents made the move to another city I swore that London won’t get rid of me and I will be back.
However, the thing is. I am tired of London, well maybe I am tired of life, it could be both. As much energy as it gave me, at the same time, it’s so draining and stressful. And there are other days when I wake up in my room, look outside and look around me, see all the room decor, candles and all the stuff that I used to make that space as much as me as possible, I realise how lucky I am to be there and tell myself I will never give it up. And it’s been like that for couple of months, now more recently than ever. I cannot decide whenever staying in London, in that comfort zone, even thou at the end of the day I am not using my advantage on being there to the fullest. And than again there are days when I am outside of that overpriced crowded space of tall buildings and loud noise. In the quite, and I feel like I can think and recharge. And it’s actually not too bad and not as scary as the first two months of living outside London were. And that’s my main reason of getting out here. I could not take it anymore, it got to much, I had to physically move myself. And so far so good.
I guess for me it’s hard to change, when I am in my comfort zone I stay in it and that’s not only when it comes to a place but also the away I dress, the way I do my hair or make up. Maybe that’s why I usually have the same make up. But in some weird way my fashion sense stayed the same but it didn’t? I remember being younger and having so much more alternative way of dressing. I remember wearing leather chokers, platform boots, always wearing a leather jacket, and super heavy eye make up or lips. And in those days I felt the most comfortable in my style and than I’ve decided to start modelling, and get into fashion industry, which I do not regret in anyway! However this has changed my style a lot. Now when I see someone on the street and they wear all black, have heavy make up, tattoos or piercings, they remind me of myself and I look at them being like “Hey, we have the same style, you look cool!” But than I realise that I didn’t have that style for a long time and it was for two reasons, one I’ve wanted to badly to finally fit in when in fact the more reckless I got with my fashion the better feedback I got and the better I felt about myself. This have also changed because I did join the fashion industry and again I guess I’ve wanted to look like a “fashion” person instead of myself. I envy the likes of Olivia Emily, Amy Valentine and Zoe London who despite their following and success have always stayed true to themselves. When I look at their blogs and clothes their wear I just want to go back to my old style because I really miss it. And this outfit is not fully representation of my old way of dressing, well the top half might be. But it’s definitely more me than some of the outfits I’ve worn on here. Don’t get be wrong, ever outfit is “me” because I am the one that wear’s it. But liking alternative clothing, all black everything and at the same time more simple and classic pieces it can be hard to combine all of those things and still feel and look like yourself. I do feel sometimes like a different person when I wear a different outfit, sometimes fashion for me is like split personality I guess. One day I can be really simple and other day I can be more “out there” and both are me but I miss my old style. I want to branch out to it more and see where it will end up.
And what are your thoughts on that? Please let me know xxx
Pullover & Top: H&M
Shorts: Bought from some random Spanish Store