Recently, I’ve been feeling kind of stuck. And if you’ll see my latest posts you’ll notice there’s a pattern happening there. Let’s just say I’ve been feeling stuck for quite a while. And I’m starting to think it’s because I’m so out of my comfort zone. Not in a blogging sense but more in a life sense. You see, I’ve been quite lucky for most of my life to have more freedom, that is a creative freedom, I still had my boundaries of course. I was free to express myself the way I wanted, whenever it was through photography, styling, words or design. I was lucky enough that even after quitting uni my parents gave me a freedom (financial as well) to do what I wanted, sure I was still working, part time but was working. But that wasn’t my main focus, my main focus was writing, blogging and figuring out where I belong in the fashion industry. And having that time perspective I am incredibly grateful for having that. Because from what I know the moment I child turns 18 and isn’t studying they must get a job, regardless whenever they wish to peruse it more professionally or not. I lucky was never pushed to it, not the extended that I know some people were.
And sure, I’m full time job right now has nothing to do with creativity or fashion. And as grateful and happy I am to have it, I’m beginning to notice and realise that the moment I stopped being creative full time, my brain kind of shut that the right side of my brain kind of shut, not literally but that drive and creativity I had just isn’t there anymore. And even if writing isn’t considered creative, the fact I’m not surrounded by that creativity any more has also an effect on it. Pretty interesting if I say so myself. But it’s not brainer that what we surrender ourselves with (or who) has a massive impact on the way we act, work, behave ect. And even writing this blog has changed me as a person so much! I look at the things differently than I did before writing this blog, and even thou writing it for the past couple of months has been a challenge, because let’s face it working full time, covering events, writing for other publications and social media fiasco, ain’t easy. But instead of pressuring myself to meet deadlines or schedule for this blog I decided to try being more relaxed with it. I mean it is my blog at the end of the day and I’m going to post whenever I have something to share. I do feel like once the press day madness will start I may be able to go back into the swing of things, being able to create more and write more. Being in my medium that is. I just find it really strange (and awesome) how blogging and generally that space on the internet controls my life, and not necessarily in the negative way. It just pushes me more.
And not only in terms of personality but also style. And my style has been shifting so much in this 3+ years of blogging. Sometimes I’m going to compare one blog post to another from different month and wonder whenever that was the same person wearing those two totally different styles. Because growing up I was just so reserved when it came to my style, I wanted to fit into a certain box and be labeled a certain “style” where now I don’t want that. I hate labels. And I don’t want to fit anyones particular “style” and when I finally came to terms with it, dressing for shoots or night out (or days out for press days ofc) became so much easier! Because yes, I love edgy clothing! I love girly clothing! And I also like to show a bit of skin from time to time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. This is what I’m most comfortable in, even if I don’t wear heels. So I guess the conclusion of this is, that style or fashion for that matter isn’t frozen. It will always evolve, however I’m glad I got the core of my style, and even looking back at my first outfits, I cringe but I wouldn’t change a thing.